Don’t Worry Logistics
I don’t remember what month it was, only that it was 2021 in Sarasota, FL. Moon Kissed had been invited to play a festival there after having played at the Ringling Brothers estate the year prior. I remember we did a live video of our song ‘Dance’ before heading to the festival, a song about deep longing to dance with somebody who actually knows me. I also remember that I was wearing a lace leotard tucked into a completely sheer cheetah print maxi skirt.
The festival grounds were moderate, in a small field with vendors at the rear, a stage in the front, and a stationary hippie camper van somewhere in the middle that everyone took pictures in. There were a few tents backstage for performers and crew. I felt good that day — had gotten decent sleep and all my bodily needs had been met; a rare occurrence for touring.
One of the vendors read tarot, or maybe she was just a psychic or something. I actually don’t remember any tarot cards now that I think of it. Maybe she read palms? I don’t know. She was some sort of mystic. And at the time, I was really concerned with finding a deep connection, a life partner, dancing with somebody who actually knows me. I was worried - how it could possibly happen, this thing I want so bad when I had issues that closed me off and just felt generally unlovable? How could I possibly fix all of this shit in order to let someone in? She told me ‘Don’t Worry Logistics.’
After she said that it became a mantra for me. Don’t plan for a partner. Don’t stress that I’m not the perfect girlfriend material. Don’t think about how hard it will be to live with somebody. Don’t worry about how impossible it feels to open up. Just exist. Don’t worry the logistics.
Ultimately when I stopped worrying is when it happened for me. Which is such annoying advice that I hate hearing because you can’t just stop doing something. But you can say mantras until you change your brain train tracks.
I couldn’t have logistically planned it anyway because my love story is, quite frankly, a mess and continues to be. We’re so in love but it does’t look like anything I could have imagined for myself. We live in a camper van now, and before that we lived off grid, and between those things we’ve bounced around apartments. We’re still working on the logistics. But we’re together. And ultimately that’s all that I wanted, but could not have planned that it went this way.
The same will go for anything. It’s another way of saying ‘let go, stay present.’ Don’t worry the logistics of how I am going to become a well known artist. Just create, and don’t plan, because you can’t predict the way it’s going to happen or when it’s going to happen, or what is going to spark it. I cannot imagine the logistics of what my life will be like in the future. It will probably always be a mess. But as long as I’m doing what I love and what I know I want to be doing, then I am doing it. I am open to my life looking whatever it will look like, as long as I’m happy. I want some sort of validation from art making. But that’s the part I can’t logistically plan for - how I’ll get the validation. Just don’t worry logistics.
